Do's and Don'ts When Your Bridesmaid is Also Engaged
words by Eve Green
It’s not uncommon to have a bridesmaid who is also engaged and planning her own wedding. It can be exciting to share this special experience with one of your closest friends, but navigating this delicate situation requires a certain level of sensitivity and awareness. Consider our Do’s and Don’t When Your Bridesmaid is Also Engaged.
Do: Coordinate and discuss dates
When you and one of your bridesmaids are simultaneously planning weddings, it’s imperative to compare dates to ensure there are no conflicts between bachelorette parties, bridal showers, and, of course, wedding dates.
Don’t: Be offended if you aren’t asked to be in her wedding
It can sting a little when one of your bridesmaids doesn’t reciprocate by having you in her wedding, but try not to let this place a strain on your friendship. There are many factors that go into deciding who to ask to be in your wedding, and brides from big families along with many friends usually have to draw the line somewhere. Also, your friend may be opting for a small bridal party of just her sisters and perhaps a sister-in-law. Not being in your friend’s bridal party isn’t a statement of how she feels about you.
Do: Share tips and try to help alleviate her stress
You are sharing a unique experience with your friend, you’re both engaged at the same time! Take this opportunity to share the tips and tricks you’ve learned while wedding planning. If the two weddings are taking place in the same general area, considering sharing some of your favorite wedding vendors and industry contacts.
Don’t: Compare budgets (or anything else!)
It’s natural to want to discuss all things wedding with your engaged friend but money is one topic that should be strictly off limits. Don’t compare budgets. No two weddings are alike and that goes for costs as well. Money talk and comparing who is spending more can easily lead to someone feeling insecure about her wedding plans. Remember there is no “right” amount to spend on a wedding. Your investment, whether big or small, is a decision made between you and your fiancé (and maybe parents) and it shouldn’t be discussed with friends.
Do: Be conscious of your bridesmaids’ costs to be in your wedding
You don’t have to talk about money to know it’s expensive to be in a wedding. Be conscious of the fact that your bridesmaid has her own wedding to pay for and she will surely appreciate you not choosing the most expensive bridesmaids dresses or the furthest away destination for a bachelorette party. These costs add up quickly and can be hard to afford whether your friends are planning a wedding of their own or not.
Don’t: Feel obligated to plan your wedding the same way
Just because you and your bridesmaid are engaged at the same time doesn’t mean your weddings have to have anything in common. You and your fiancé may opt for a small wedding, while your bridesmaid is planning a large celebration. You may not even want to have a bachelorette party, while your friend plans a big bachelorette party in Las Vegas. Don’t feel the pressure to make your wedding mirror anyone else's.
Do: Be present and enthusiastic at her wedding events
When attending your friend’s bachelorette party, bridal shower, and wedding, keep your focus on her and try to keep talk about your own wedding to a minimum. When your bridesmaid is engaged, you don’t have to share the spotlight very often, except when it comes to these once-in-a-lifetime wedding events. These special occasions are all about her and you would surely hope she would grant the same level of attention and enthusiasm at your pre-wedding events and on your big day.
Don’t: Get get upset if her wedding plans mimic yours
While no one wants her wedding plans to be directly copied, it’s inevitable that some of your wedding plans may appear similar to your engaged friend. Just as clothing fashions come and go, so too do wedding styles. Whether your friend is using some of the same vendors, or perhaps her color scheme matches yours, try not to get hung up on these small matters. Even with a few shared details, both of your weddings will look completely different while reflecting each bride’s individual styles. Also, besides a few shared friends, each wedding will have a completely separate set of guests in attendance. No one will notice any similarities.
It can be a bit of a juggling act to plan your wedding while one of your bridesmaids is simultaneously planning for her big day. Keep in mind that you each still get to have your day. Don’t let petty concerns or inconveniences rob you of sharing this special time in your lives. Afterall, if your friend is close enough to you to be a member of your wedding party, you must really care about her.